Your first role is to show up to a smoking crash site and pull the bodies from the rubble. Sort through the scattered shards of broken dreams of the happy family that could have been. Your outstretched hand is well intended but almost never reached for.

You are a cheap and insulting consolation prize.

Relationships with stepkids are incredibly delicate and you learn early on that you can’t (and shouldn’t) try to become their biological parent. Co-parenting adds additional complexity when a battle of egos undoubtedly ensues. Tempers flare. Feelings get hurt. There is no perfect model only the hope for survival in a stewing pot of collective traumas and tensions.

I love my bonus kids with all of my heart but a part of me knows they will never love me back in the same way. This is a grief I’ve had to contend with to survive and keep my peace.

The biggest challenge comes in the way you are viewed relative to your responsibilities. Many stepparents live with their stepchildren full-time, and are very hands on, caring and loving them like their own without the recognition a parent would automatically receive. You are always the understudy, auditioning for a role you will never actually play.

And while I’m grateful that my bonus kids need me, but there are many days I just want to be seen for who I am outside of what I provide.

And as we navigate through the murky waters of Cancer season we find solidarity in this universal experience. Deeper wounds are brought to the surface, and we crave and yearn to feel as safe as we make others feel.

In this energetic chamber we start to recognize the roles we take on, and how easily those roles become invisible once they stabilize.

This is beyond just motherhood, it’s about emotional labor, belonging, and the quiet agreements we make about who holds what inside a complex system.

We grieve and acknowledge that the person holding the most is the last to be held.

What makes this particularly difficult is that emotional reliability has a way of disappearing into the background of a relationship.

Not because it isn’t valued.

But because it becomes expected.

When someone consistently shows up, holds things together, absorbs tension, anticipates needs, and stabilizes what feels unstable - there is often a quiet unconscious reorganization that happens in the system.

They become the one who can and will handle it.

And once that identity is established, it becomes rooted.

People don’t stop appreciating you.

But they do stop noticing the effort it takes to be you.

Stability doesn’t call attention to self.

It becomes the floor everyone stands on.

The wallet everyone uses. The psychologist everyone visits. The janitor that always gets the job done.

A CV so expansive your role is always secure but never truly valued.

This is where Cancer season becomes relevant in a deeper way.

Because Cancer is not just about nurturing or caregiving - it is about emotional memory, attachment patterns, and the roles we unconsciously assign within family systems.

It asks us;
Who holds emotional space?
Who is allowed to fall apart?
Who is expected to stay together?

And more quietly:
Who becomes responsible for everyone else’s emotional equilibrium?

In many family systems, the “strong one” yearns for softness but never feels able to experience this.

And this is where the grief lives.

Not just being unseen - but in realizing how much of your visibility is filtered through what you do for others.

Being needed creates a very specific kind of belonging.

It is real.

It is meaningful.

It is even loving.

But it is not always reciprocal in the way the nervous system longs for.

Being needed says:
“You matter because you hold this together.”

Being seen says:
“You matter even when you don’t.”

And these two sentiments are often mutually exclusive.

You can be deeply integrated in someone’s life.

You can be essential to their stability, their growth, their day-to-day emotional world.

And still feel, in quiet moments, like you exist just outside of recognition.

Not rejected.

Not unloved.

Just… unseen.

But maybe Cancer season is not asking us to fix this dynamic.

Instead, perhaps it asks us to be honest enough to see it.

To notice where we have equated emotional labor with emotional visibility.

And where we have confused being relied upon with being truly witnessed.

This insight gives us autonomy to move differently.

To re-assess our role to ensure we are consciously rooted in it.

To determine whether we are intentional in our mission and vision or simply heeding external requests.

Here are some things you can do during Cancer season to help re-set the balance:

• Notice where you are emotionally over-functioning in your relationships
• Pause and ask yourself: “Am I being seen here, or only relied upon?”
• Practice letting small things remain undone instead of immediately stepping in to fix everything
• Reconnect with your own emotional needs before responding to everyone else’s
• Allow yourself to be cared for in small ways without deflecting or minimizing it
• Reflect on where being “the strong one” has become your default identity rather than a conscious choice
• Gently observe any resentment that comes from being needed but not emotionally witnessed
• Create space each day where you are not available to solve, support, or stabilize others
• Return attention to your own inner world - your thoughts, emotions, and unmet needs

Perhaps this is the talisman of Cancer season.

Not to become less loving.

Not to become less available.

Not to withdraw from the people who rely on you.

But to notice where you have disappeared inside your own competency.

Where being needed has quietly replaced being seen.

You are not only the one who holds things together.

You are also someone who deserves to be held.

And maybe nothing needs to change externally for that truth to begin landing internally.

Your awareness.

Your recognition.

And the simple, powerful act of turning some of your attention back toward yourself.

If this resonates with you, I’ve created a guided Cancer season meditation to support you in working with these patterns on a deeper level.

This practice is designed to help you:

• release the identity of always being the strong one

• soften emotional over-functioning patterns

• reconnect with your own needs without guilt

• and gently return attention back to your inner world

Upgrade to become a paid subscriber today and get access to the guided meditation below, along with weekly meditations and rituals.

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In my early years, this was further exacerbated by using food for comfort. It nurtured me when caregivers couldn’t or wouldn’t. It became a safe space to receive without guilt. But it also came with a hefty consequence.

By the age of 10, I was nearly 200 lbs and wearing size 14 women’s clothing, terrifyingly close to the dreaded plus-size department that at this time was comprised of stretchy waistbands and godawful cartoon decals. To make matters worse, I also had out-of-fashion thick curly hair, bucked teeth, and a skin texture my mother affectionately referred to as “chicken skin.”

The late 1990s and early 2000s were not a time of body positivity or inclusivity. This period popularized ultra-low-rise jeans, sky-high stiletto heels, and pin-straight, waist-length hair. I never really stood a chance.

As I moved into my teens, I desperately wanted to be seen, desired, and included, and that primal need for belonging escalated into a fast descent into disordered eating. I remember friends joking that I would have “Diet Coke and gum” for lunch, but at the time, this was not alarming to anyone. There was no intervention - in fact, rapid weight loss was often celebrated and encouraged by both friends and new romantic interests alike.

Suddenly, the same people who had mocked me, excluded me, or used slurs were now wanting to talk to me, sit with me, even date me.

It was intoxicating, but also traumatizing at the same time, in that I was being told that the real me - the me underneath the physical shell - was not enough.

It took me nearly two decades to start to heal my relationship with my body from the inside out, starting with “reclaiming” the things that were once my flaws.

My thick thunder thighs became strong quadricep muscles as I committed to a strength training program that would train my body, but most importantly my mind and spirit. My beautiful curly hair was liberated as I ended years of damaging straightening treatments and let it grow wild.

But as confident and as proud as I am now, I can’t ignore the feeling of imminent dread as our culture is seemingly regressing into an even scarier version of the diet and fitness culture that once held us captive.

This time, with new weight loss medications, social media, and a whole host of other things that create even more pressure for young people growing up in an increasingly superficial world.

The Kardashians superior posteriors walked so we could run… until we tripped on a hurdle and decided to go back to our rail-thin bodies of the past.

Every day I see TikTok videos telling people to “dress their weight,” women being encouraged to “bounce back” 30 days postpartum, and people who are clearly struggling with disordered eating being asked for their “workout routine.”

Is there a recourse for those of us who have already done a lap of this decades ago? Can we save this generation from going through a young adulthood of hating their bodies in search of an ideal physique that will always be out of reach?

Or are we destined to keep looping through the same cultural wound, just with new filters and new platforms?

Venus in Leo currently transiting says: yes.

Not in the form of perfection.

Not in the form of becoming someone else.

But in the radical reclamation of visibility - of being seen without shrinking, editing, or apologizing for taking up space.

Of no longer separating your body from your authenticity.

Of remembering that what makes you most beautiful is not how closely you match an ideal, but how fully you inhabit what is already true within you.

This is not about “faking” confidence or performing self-love.

This is about returning to what is already real and true.

Venus in Leo asks:

What if your beauty is not something you build, but something you uncover?

What if confidence is not a performance, but what naturally emerges?

What if your body, exactly as it is right now, is already expressing something real and magnetic?

Venus in Leo does not reward imitation.

It rewards authenticity.

Not the curated version of you.

Not the currently trending, widely accepted, or societally dictated version of you.

But the version of you that is unapologetically YOU.

That is the invitation this transit offers:

To stop asking, “How do I become more lovable?”
And start remembering, “What is already lovable about me when I accept it fully?”

You are a masterpiece in your natural essence - first thing upon waking, when you’re smiling ear to ear, when you’re lost in a beautiful moment.

When you are real and raw and honest.

When you are you - pure love embodied.

If this resonates with you, I’d genuinely love to hear from you.

Where in your life have you felt pressure to shrink yourself in order to be accepted or loved?

You can share in the comments - your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to feel less alone in theirs.

For paid subscribers, I’ve created a Venus in Leo Guided Meditation for Confidence & Magnetism to help you embody this energy beyond understanding it intellectually.

In this practice, we work with:

• Releasing body shame and visibility fear

• Rewiring your relationship with being seen

• Reconnecting to your natural confidence and presence

• Anchoring a felt sense of authenticity as magnetism

This is not about becoming more confident.

It’s about remembering the version of you that never needed to perform it.

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This moral posturing served me well for many years. It kept me safe from the fear of being hurt, and gave me a deep level of empathy for those who needed help and might be ostracized by others. I found myself drawn to them like a moth to a flame, and upon meeting would offer my unyielding support, pouring all of my love into their salty open wounds.

My first instinct was to assist. To aid. To love without limits.

I forgave and forgot without a second thought. I took back every partner, friend, or family member who ever did me wrong - until they eventually walked away from the public humiliation ritual that had become of the relationship.

This shrewd belief in the goodness of people and their worthiness of unlimited help (often at my detriment) was something I wore as a badge of honour for a time, until I finally experienced a cycle that would bring me to my knees.

In the span of six months, I got divorced, left my home, my job, my longest friendship, my toxic relationship with my father, and experienced a hit-and-run car accident that left me physically immobile.

I was left with essentially nothing but a whole lot of anger, resentment, and vitriol that had been repressed for years without an outlet.

Where were those same individuals to step in to support me? And even more-so I asked - Why was the universe punishing me for being good?

I was acting in good faith, I thought. I was so selfless, so giving, so generous..

But after a few months in this very isolated pity party I finally came to an important conclusion.

I realized that my generosity, while well-intentioned, came from a wounded place. The lack of boundaries came from an even deeper hurt.

I was so terrified to be seen without performing or providing that I had unknowingly recreated the same relationship pattern for decades, until Spirit finally had enough.

This divine intervention saved my life.

It helped me recognize that I had both cogency and agency in what felt nourishing to me. What felt supportive. What energized me versus what depleted me.

Spirit cleared the board to reset my vision, and suddenly in this moment, it became crystal clear.

Now, I choose the relationships in my life consciously and with intention. I honour my capacity without sacrificing myself at the altar of being needed. I no longer confuse self-abandonment with love, or overextension with generosity.

And in doing so, I discovered something unexpected:

Alignment is less about becoming someone new and more about returning to who you were before you learned that love had to be earned.

Perhaps this is the real fairytale.

Not that goodness guarantees immunity from grief, disappointment, or loss.

Not that if we love hard enough, give enough, forgive enough, or endure enough, life will eventually hand us the rewards we’ve earned.

Because a happily ever after is available to us when we choose ourselves with the same devotion we have so freely extended to everyone else.

And in this vein, perhaps the fairytale wasn’t wrong after all.

It was simply incomplete.

We must not force ourselves to bloom in environments that ask us to shrink.

We must recognize that being a good person does not require us to betray our own needs.

We must know that what is meant for us will not ask us to become smaller in order to receive it.

This week’s planetary alignment feels like an invitation into exactly this.

An invitation to pay attention to where life is naturally expanding. To notice what feels supportive rather than performative, energizing rather than exhausting. To trust the relationships, opportunities, and desires that allow us to become more fully ourselves instead of fracturing into smaller pieces to sustain them.

Growth is not always a reward for effort.

Sometimes it is simply the inevitable consequence of being planted in the right soil.

The seed of a tree is adept at sprouting roots deep into the earth, but it cannot survive and grow in the depths of the ocean.

The seed is not flawed because it cannot thrive there.

It is simply trying to survive in a place it was never designed to call home.

And perhaps that is what alignment really is.

This week’s planetary alignment, peaking on June 18th, is magical not because it promises overnight transformation, but because it mirrors the quiet shifts already taking place within us.

It mirrors back to us where we’ve taken great strides to choose ourselves unapologetically - as though the sky itself is saluting us in a parade held in our honour.

Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter gather together in the sky, each illuminating a different part of the journey back to ourselves.

Mercury governs our thoughts, communication, perception, and the stories we tell ourselves. It asks us to reconsider the narratives we’ve been living by. In this case, we might review the belief that love has to be earned, that struggle is proof of virtue, or that being needed is the same thing as being valued.

What beliefs are you ready to outgrow?

Venus turns our attention to the heart. She governs our relationships, self-worth, values, pleasure, and our capacity to receive. She reminds us that reciprocity is the key to true intimacy and lasting partnerships.

Where are you being invited to choose reciprocity over performance? Pleasure over depletion? Self-worth over self-sacrifice?

And Jupiter, the great expander, asks us to trust where life is naturally opening.

Jupiter governs growth, abundance, opportunity, wisdom, hope, and possibility. Jupiter reminds us that expansion doesn’t always arrive through relentless striving. Sometimes it appears because we have finally planted ourselves in soil capable of sustaining us.

As these three planets align, you may notice conversations bringing unexpected clarity. Relationships becoming more reciprocal. New opportunities emerging. Financial growth gaining momentum. Decisions becoming easier. Joy returning in places that once felt heavy.

You may find yourself releasing old identities and stepping into a version of yourself that no longer mistakes suffering for love, over-giving for generosity, or exhaustion for purpose.

Perhaps this is what is finally coming together for you:

A new story.

More nourishing relationships.

A greater willingness to receive.

The courage to trust ease where you once sought out struggle.

The expansion that becomes possible when you stop fighting your own nature and truest essence.

Maybe the magic isn’t that everything suddenly changes.

Maybe the magic is realizing that, despite all the twists and turns, you were never truly abandoned by the Universe.

Spirit has been gently guiding you back to yourself.

Maybe everything fell apart so something better could come together.

And maybe, just maybe, everything has been working out for you all along.

Before you move on, I’d love to hear from you.

Which part of your life feels like it’s finally coming together?

Is it a relationship? Your sense of self? Your career? Your capacity to receive? The story you’ve been telling yourself about what you’re worthy of?

Like and comment below to send a strong message to the Universe that you’re ready for alignment in love, career, and beyond.

And if this week’s planetary alignment has reminded you that growth doesn’t have to come through struggle, I’ve created a manifestation ritual and guided audio meditation for paid subscribers to help you work with this energy intentionally.

Together, we’ll release the outdated narratives you’re ready to outgrow, reconnect with the version of you that no longer mistakes sacrifice for love, and call in the relationships, opportunities, abundance, and ease that are already seeking you.

Because insight is powerful.

But embodiment is what changes your life.

You can access this week’s Manifestation ritual and accompanying audio meditation below.

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Usually, the insight we’re avoiding is an uncomfortable truth , one that requires the piercing of an illusion that has kept us hopeful, albeit detached from our present reality.

For years, my “cold reality” was the pattern of emotionally unavailable partners, each one in some way mirroring the absence of a father I never had.

My inner child’s heart was set ablaze by their intensity and inconsistency, and dreamt in childlike wonder that they would spontaneously transform into self-aware, emotionally mature, fully sentient beings capable of choosing me completely. I fantasized of this outcome, not only as the key to my happiness but as an opportunity to break the pattern for good.

But as this cycle escalated, I didn’t just attract emotionally unavailable partners. I attracted physically and spiritually unavailable ones too.

And in these times I found myself mourning the death of their potential, while quietly blaming myself for not being enough to activate it.

I asked for signs.

I got countless readings (shoutout to “Master Enigma,” my primary psychic enabler at the time).

I spoke to anyone who would listen until I eventually exhausted the tolerance of almost everyone I knew.

But deep down, I already knew the answer.

They could meet parts of me - often the parts that were easiest to admire, or easiest to project onto - but they were not able to love me in any consistent or unconditional way.

And even more tragically, this wasn’t even their fault per-say.

Because I wasn’t able to love myself in that way either.

I was asking them for something I hadn’t even asked of myself.

And if I didn’t know how to do this for myself in any material way - how could I instruct others?

To add even more complexity, I had become so adept at abandoning myself that I was almost indistinguishable from the muse I had curated.

Over time, I learned to disappear into adaptation.

A chameleon. A courtesan of perception. An enigma constructed for survival.

But eventually, I got lost in the role I was performing.

And soon what once protected me began to consume me.

Eventually, after a year I now affectionately refer to as “the purge,” everything collapsed enough for me to stop fighting against the pattern.

I had no choice but to begin again.

Not as someone trying to fix the dynamic.

But as someone willing to stop repeating it.

Today after years of healing, grieving, lathering, rinsing and repeating I have learned something simpler.

That the truth is often far less painful than waiting for a fantasy to become real.

And that reality is not the enemy of love - it’s the first place love actually becomes present and real.

This week’s New Moon in Gemini invites us into that same question:

Where could the truth actually be better than the fantasy you’ve been holding onto?

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Where might reality be trying to offer something more aligned, more reciprocal, more real than the story we’ve been trying to maintain?

This is a lunation that invites clarity - not confusion.

Gemini governs perception, thought patterns, communication, and the way we assign meaning to our experiences.

And under this energy, we are being asked to refine the lens through which we see our lives.

Not to overthink them.

But to see them more honestly.

Because often what we call “confusion” is actually a collision between truth and attachment.

And when we soften into truth, something interesting happens:

We stop trying to force meaning onto what is not aligned, and we begin to become available for what actually is.

This New Moon is an opportunity to get clear - not just on what you want, but on what you are actually available for.

To refine your intentions.

To clarify your standards.

To realign your internal narrative so it matches the kind of love, connection, and experience you are desiring to call in.

Think of it as precisely tuning your compass to ensure you’re on an aligned path.

Because when truth becomes clearer than fantasy, love finally knows where to arrive.

If this resonated, the invitation doesn’t end here.

Because clarity isn’t just something we think about - it’s something we embody.

In the paid section, I’m guiding you through a New Moon in Gemini ritual designed to help you release mental looping, reconnect with your inner knowing, and consciously align your intentions with what you are actually available for, not just what you desire in theory.

This is where we move from insight… into integration.

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These desires, wishes, and wants were aspirational but in some cases doomed for disaster, but once I locked in my mother knew not to intervene. She would often take a step back and let the inevitable calamity ensue, while I stubbornly played violin on the sinking ship.

For years, I suffered through many failed relationships, friendships and ventures that I was blindly invested in, hoping that they were in fact meant for me.

But eventually I grew older, wearier, and wiser and I decided that there had to be a better way to move through the world. In this shift, I started to allocate this insatiable devotion to what deserved it. I began utilizing a discernment that ensured I wasn’t taking any more unnecessary detours.

But it took decades of dissolution, and mass destruction of epic proportions to get here.

When I look back and reflect, the pattern was always the same:

I wanted something.
I became convinced it was mine.
And I refused to see anything else.

Until life eventually made it undeniable that I was very wrong.

What I didn’t understand then, but see so clearly in this moment, is that not every desire is a direction. Not every longing is an instruction. And not every fixation is pre-ordained fate.

Sometimes what you seek is beyond what you are looking for.

Sometimes what you’re holding onto is a lesson not a landing.

And in some cases, not always… it has nothing to do with what you’re truly meant for - despite how you might feel in this moment.

And perhaps this is what this June is asking of us. A shift in pace and perspective. A reminder that not everything we want is meant for us, and not everything meant for us arrives through force.

Because the universe, inconveniently and often painfully, does not prioritize preferences. It prioritizes your alignment.

It will remove people you were so very certain about.
It will block paths you were trying to force open.
It will delay things you were desperate to receive.

Not to punish you, but to redirect you toward what is actually yours.

And I get how infuriating that is when you are in it. When you are convinced that if something feels strong enough, it must be true enough. It must be part of your higher path. Sometimes intense desire feels like evidence.

But over time I’ve learned something quietly ( and loudly) humbling:

The things I fought the hardest for were never the things that held me the longest.

In fact, quite the opposite.

The things I held on most tightly to would often disappear at any point of tension or conflict.

And these same things that I often grieved the most were the ones that truly saved my life.

Universal intelligence (UI) is far superior to AI in that it does not placate you. It does not enable, coddle, or respond to urgency, attachment, or insistence.

It responds to readiness. Capacity. Alignment. Timing.

And when you are not aligned, it will not negotiate.

You might not feel like this is love in these instances, but it is.

Because if everything you wanted came exactly when you wanted it… you would have been disappointed by it, broken by it, or in worse case gotten lost in it.

Lucky you, to be loved so deeply by the Universe that knows better.

Lucky you, to be able to receive a life that does not require forcing, clinging, or proving.

Lucky you, for having learned these hard lessons, to prepare you for what is truly aligned.

And luckily this time, when it shows up, you’ll be quick to recognize it.

If this piece resonated with you, and something in you is feeling the weight of release, I’ve created a guided meditation specifically for this theme.

It’s designed to help you gently loosen attachment to what you’ve been trying to force, and reconnect with a deeper sense of alignment and trust in what is actually meant for you.

If you feel guided, you can subscribe to access the full meditation below. It’s a space to take this reflection deeper, not through thinking more about it, but through allowing your system to soften into it.

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In this idyllic world, mornings are slow and undisturbed. Relationships are easily formed, balanced and harmonious. Our finances are plentiful and thriving.

You might fantasize of this solve to your problems. A fresh start. A clean slate. A new identity that works much better than the last one did.

But the old adage rings true - “Wherever you go, there you are.” Meaning you can travel the world, change the place, the space, even the features on your face and still find the soul is the same.

Encumbered by the same baggage, the same traumas and the same pesky wounds of the past that don’t seem to want to heal.

We as a culture are escape artists. Masters at running from anything and everything that would force us to acknowledge difficult truths, or do the messy work that rarely leaves us unscathed.

Popular culture born of capitalism encourages us “not to settle”, and that there is “always something better”, and that we must hold out for the singular perfect partner, job or path that would bring us to the pinnacle of fulfillment.

But what if that one thing doesn’t exist? What if perfection insulates us from real connection with ourselves and others? What if this fantasy is a delusion that we’ve been spoon-fed and have happily gobbled down since to evade the shadow.

What if all we have is the happiness (or lack thereof) within ourselves, and a world outside that mirrors this?

Emotional avoidance is on the rise, masquerading as new-age spiritual wisdom as the “Let them” theory brainwashes us to escape uncomfortable healing work by way of detachment.

Manifestation theory is another derivative of the same disease, intoxicating us by way of encouraging detachment from everything as a solution to getting everything we desire.

But what many do not realize is that detachment without discernment can quickly become dissociation.

And while there is wisdom in releasing control, allowing others to be who they are, and no longer forcing ourselves into spaces that continuously wound us, there is also a shadow side to this collective obsession with “moving on.”

At what point does “protecting your peace” become a form of spiritual bypassing?

At what time does “Let them…” lead to letting our life pass us by?

You might feel you are moving on by detaching harshly, or finding solace in the next partner, place or job - but you are simply moving away.

Away from grief.
Away from accountability.
Away from vulnerability.
Away from stillness.
Away from the terrifying experience of sitting alone with yourself long enough to hear what is actually beneath the noise.

This Sunday’s Sagittarius Full Moon is not just illuminating our desire for freedom. It is exposing the raw truth beneath it.

Because not every urge to escape is intuition.
Not every desire to leave is alignment.
And not every fresh start is healing.

Sometimes we are simply trying to outrun ourselves.

Sagittarius energy is often romanticized as adventurous, expansive, optimistic and free spirited. But in its shadow expression, Sagittarius can become addicted to the thrill of the pursuit. Another city. Another lover. Another career. Another version of ourselves that finally “gets it right.”

But eventually the high of reinvention wears off.

And when the dust settles and we inevitably crash out (with a few more miles on us), we are forced to meet the same wounds we carried into every previous chapter.

The same abandonment.
The same loneliness.
The same fear of rejection.
The same inability to fully be with ourselves.
The same ache we tried to silence with movement.

This is the deeper confrontation this Full Moon brings.

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It will find you, no matter where you hide.

• It will find you in the relationship you swore would be different this time.

• In the city you moved for a fresh start finding the same problems.

• In the job you convinced yourself would actually fulfill you.

• In your constant need to stay busy, distracted, or stimulated.

• On your dream vacation on your phone booking your next trip.

This Full Moon asks us to consider a difficult question:

What if the life you want is not being blocked by your circumstances, but by the parts of yourself you refuse to face?

Real healing often looks like staying present long enough to tell yourself the truth.
Long enough to stop romanticizing escape.
Long enough to realize that freedom is not the absence of discomfort, but the ability to remain connected to yourself within it.

And perhaps that is the true medicine of this Sagittarius Full Moon.

Not to run faster.
Not to impulsively burn your life down.
Not to disappear and become someone else again.

But to finally stop long enough to ask:

What am I actually trying to escape?

And who might I become if I stopped running from myself long enough to find out?

Because maybe freedom was never about leaving.

Maybe it was always about staying present long enough to tell yourself the raw and honest truth. And finally hearing it clearly this time.

If you feel called to go deeper with this work, there is a recorded audio ritual available below for paid members - a guided descent into presence, embodiment, and the parts of you that have learned to equate freedom with escape.

This is not a meditation for relaxation.

It is a somatic ritual for meeting yourself where you have been most willing to leave.

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The only fear that has ever paralyzed me, even stayed with me over time, has been the fear of being ‘held’. Swings, chairs, hammocks, see-saws, and bunk beds - all a worthy foe from my childhood. This terror plagued me for years, but until recently I didn’t grasp the much deeper meaning.

Something within me simply couldn’t trust. It wasn’t the structural sustainability or the material design or durability. It wasn’t the regulatory standards or even testing. It was some type of survival instinct and trauma response, a base-level awareness that uttered a menacing plea - “ you can’t put all your weight on any object or you will plummet to the ground.”

If you resonate with this sentiment, I’m speaking to you. I sense that those who are drawn to this piece will also have felt this experience. Have a fear of trusting the surface beneath them ( or the people around them ) to cushion them when they fall.

You might struggle to exhale, with short, shallow breaths.

You could wake up rested, but never quite refreshed.

You will delegate on occasion but almost always direct.

And the price of this state of hypervigilance? Hypermobility to the enth degree?…

A compounded exhaustion that feels existential and omnipresent.

A constant bracing for what might go wrong next.

A daily task list that never lets you clock out.

For you, this may have become so automatic that you no longer recognize it.

It just feels like life.

Like being “responsible.”

Like staying ahead of everything so nothing collapses.

But the body absorbs what the mind learns to ignore.

And eventually, it begins to beg for something different.

Not more effort.

Or even more understanding.

But relief.

Letting yourself flop on that hammock without fear. Jump onto the top bunk with wild abandon.

A spiritual guru of mine once told me: “You cannot keep carrying the world in your hands if you have never learned how to rest it in your own.”

And something in that moment landed.

A pregnant pause. A subtle yet meaningful epiphany. That rest was not only productive but essential. That when we slow down long enough we realize we might have everything we’ve been striving for.

This Taurus New Moon utters a very similar message.

Not to push harder.

Or to fix more.

But to soften into what is already here.

Taurus energy does not rush to solve life - it inhabits it.

It’s slow, sensual, and intentional. Languishing in each moment, making the very most of each one that passes.

This might feel unfamiliar, even unsafe at first.

But this New Moon offers additional energetic support to offset this discomfort.

She asks that we move softly into acceptance.

A moment of vulnerable liberation.

Of being who you are, not what you do.

Of loving yourself in your present state and not as a work in progress.

This New Moon does not ask you to force relaxation.

But asks you to stop adding unnecessary effort to moments that do not require it.

To notice what it feels like to sit without immediately becoming useful again.

To breathe without turning it into productivity.

To exist without immediately proving your place in the world.

Under this New Moon, you are not being asked to change overnight.

You are being asked to experiment with a different kind of presence.

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One that does not pulsate with tension.

One that does not collapse in depletion.

One that does not require you to override yourself in order to feel safe.

You are supported in presence.

You are supported in pause.

You are supported in softness.

You can let the moment be what it is, without forcing it to become something else.

And slowly, almost imperceptibly, your system begins to learn a new possibility.

Good things are not always temporary.

Stability does not have to be earned.

Peace does not always disappear.

You are allowed to be held.

Without doing anything to deserve it.

Taurus New Moon Ritual: Learning to Be Held

Tonight, find somewhere you can sit or lie down without interruption.

No fixing. No refining. No improving this moment.

Let your body arrive as it is.

Not as something to be worked on - but something to be supported.

Place one hand on your chest, and one hand somewhere on your body that feels like it needs grounding - your stomach, your legs, your lower back.

And for a moment, notice what it feels like to be physically supported by something other than yourself.

The chair. The floor. The bed beneath you.

You are not holding this moment together.

It is holding you.

Take a slow breath in.

And a longer breath out.

And with each exhale, allow your body to soften its grip by even one percent.

Not collapse.

Not force.

Just release.

Now, gently bring to mind the places in your life where you are still bracing.

Where you are still over-functioning.

Where you are still preparing for something to go wrong even when nothing is happening.

And instead of trying to change it, simply acknowledge it:

“This is where I learned to hold myself.”

And then:

“I don’t have to hold this in the same way anymore.”

Pause.

Feel that, even if only slightly.

Now imagine - not as visualization, but as possibility — that there is a steadier support underneath you than your vigilance.

Something that does not require your effort to remain steady.

Something that does not disappear when you stop striving.

Let your body register that idea without needing to believe it fully yet.

Just let it land.

And finally, say softly to yourself:

“I allow myself to be held.”

“I allow myself to stop bracing.”

“I allow myself to receive support without earning it.”

And sit for a few more breaths without rushing to close the moment.

No need to complete anything.

No need to resolve anything.

Just this.

Just you.

Just being held.

The one who pushes through when times are tough, when tension rises, when inevitable turbulence arrives.

You’re the finisher. The fixer. The family therapist. The finder of lost items. The one who remembers birthdays. The one who holds it all together while everything feels like it’s falling apart around you - often without batting an eye.

And while this has made you invaluable to those in your inner circle, it has also come at a cost.

You may have found it difficult to slow down. To pause. To rest when your body actually needs rest. To feel pleasure without guilt quietly attaching itself to it.

And for a time, the gratification of being needed might have been enough.

“I have a purpose,” you told yourself. “They need me.”

But if you really pause for a moment now…

Who is there in your time of need?

Who helps you put yourself back together when things fall apart inside you?

And what happens if - and when - you stop being the one who always catches everything before it falls?

Up until now, you may not have fully let yourself answer that question.

Not because you couldn’t.

But because something in you knew it would ask for change.

And given all you were already carrying, this additional change or effort felt like the straw that would actually break the camel’s back.

But recently, something inside of you has begun to shift.

Not increased strength. Or capacity. Or productivity.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

A yearning for softness. Stillness. Slower mornings. Gentler nighttime routines. Self-care Sundays and hot girl mental health walks.

The emerging self is more attuned. More instinctively self-protective.

And with this change, the part of you that has spent years fearing disappointing others is beginning to loosen its grip.

As the part of you that can no longer ignore how much you have been abandoning yourself becomes more prominent.

At this apex;

What you once tolerated begins to feel less negotiable.

What you once excused becomes harder to bypass.

And self-abandonment begins to feel like something you can recognize in real time.

From here, something begins to reorganize.

Slowly.

Not all at once.

In small, almost invisible decisions.

You pause where you would normally say yes.

You create a boundary where you would normally absorb discomfort.

You notice your own needs before someone else’s urgency takes over.

This is not about waking up a new person.

This is about no longer overriding yourself to remain lovable to others.

You are learning in these instances, these micro-moments and decisions that you are now and have always been worthy.

And although this may feel unfamiliar at first -

because your strength has been built on endurance.

It also becomes increasingly freeing.

It feels goddamn good to take care of yourself.

You are worthy of rest.

Worthy of softness.

Being cared for without having to earn it first.

Slowing down without explaining yourself.

Joy that does not immediately become responsibility.

Relationships that feel reciprocal instead of transactional.

Support. Tenderness. Compassion.

Taking up space even when you are not performing, perfecting or persevering.

You deserve to be held in the same way you have held everyone else.

It’s about time you discovered who you are beyond survival.

Ritual: Breaking the Cycle of Survival

Tonight, light a candle.

Not as a performance of healing.

But as a quiet acknowledgment that something in your lineage is ready to end through you.

Sit somewhere you will not be interrupted.

Let your body arrive without needing to be useful or productive.

And for a moment, think of the women who came before you.

Women who held too much.
Who endured quietly.
Who became strong because softness was not safe enough to stay in.

Women who learned to survive instead of being held.

Breathe.

And notice what it feels like to realize:

some of what you carry is not entirely yours.

It was passed down.

Not always in words.

But in patterns.
In expectations.
In silence.
In what women were allowed to be.

And now, you are here.

At the point where continuation is no longer the only option.

Place one hand on your heart.

One hand on your lower body.

And say - slowly, without urgency:

“I honor the women who came before me.”

“I honor what they had to become to survive.”

“And I no longer continue what cost them their softness.”

Pause.

Let your breath deepen.

Now bring your attention to your own life.

Not what you manage.

Not what you carry.

But what you have been quietly surviving within.

And say:

“I am no longer building my life around endurance.”

“I am no longer proving my worth through depletion.”

“I am allowed to stop surviving and begin living.”

Feel that last line, even if it feels unfamiliar.

Especially if it does.

Now imagine - not as fantasy, but as possibility -

a version of you who does not operate from bracing.

A version of you who does not overextend to remain safe or loved.

A version of you who receives without earning it.

Let her exist in your awareness.

Without needing to become her all at once.

And finally, say:

“The cycle ends with me.”

“What was survival for them becomes softness in me.”

“I choose life over endurance.”

Pause.

Breathe once more.

And when you are ready, extinguish the candle.

Not as an ending.

But as a beginning to a life of pleasure in presence.

Despite being proven time and time again that money is an ineffective tool to create happiness, fulfillment, or peace, it still holds a power over us that can’t be overstated.

We chase it.
Beg for it.
And overvalue it.

We believe that it determines whether we are safe, worthy, or even free.

But what we come to accept after a long, tiresome quest is that money is not the source of any of this. A red herring. A distraction.

And unlearning can only begin when we start to see these myths clearly.

The Money Myths we exist within

That safety is external.
To be purchased, accumulated, or stored.

But safety has never lived in any currency itself.

It lives in your capacity to keep your system regulated when life expands or contracts.

Money will only ever reflect how safe we already feel inside ourselves.

That worth is earned.
Your value must be proven, validated, or justified through external output or achievement.

But your worth has always been intrinsic, therefore can’t exist within a transaction.

This is not something you earn through accumulation; it is something you recognize or forget within yourself.

Money will only ever amplify the relationship you have with your value.

Freedom is something you buy.
That more wealth automatically equals more liberation.

But freedom without internal peace is just activated chaos.

Money expands what already exists; it does not create sovereignty.

Abundance is scarce.
That there is not enough, and therefore it must be competed for.

But scarcity is not a law of reality; it is a distorted perception shaped by fear and separation. This illusion keeps us stuck, and distracts us from the core truth.

That money will only reflect how much expansion your system believes it can safely hold.

You are separate from it.
That it is something outside of you that must be pursued, captured, or controlled.

But money is not separate from you; it flows through you in response to your energy.

More will finally make you feel enough.
That at some point accumulation will resolve this internal tension.

But money cannot resolve what is not material. In fact, it might amplify unworthiness on a grander scale.

If there is lack within, more will not fix it - it will reveal it.

Because these beliefs are rarely questioned, they quietly shape how we relate to everything: opportunity, creativity, relationships, stability, and self-worth.

But none of these myths are truths.

They are inherited interpretations of reality that seek to hold us captive in old programming. They keep us consuming instead of creating. Working instead of attracting. Resisting instead of surrendering.

So what is money, really? And how can we use this awareness to shift the way we attract abundance?

Money is a medium.

A mirror.
A movement of energy.
A reflection of your internal state made visible.

And because of this, money does not decide your reality.

It reveals it.

It shows you:

• how safe you feel in receiving

• how grounded you are in your self-value

• how much internal authority you carry

• how receptive your system is to expansion

• how deeply you trust yourself to hold more

Money has never been separate from you.

It is always responding to you.

A necessary nuance

The capacity to access and embody inner power does not exist outside of lived conditions.

Circumstances matter.
Systems matter.
Safety, resources, and environment all shape how much space a person has to develop this awareness.

For some, survival comes first.
For others, past experiences or instability can make openness feel unsafe or unfamiliar.

This is not about bypassing reality.

It is about recognizing that within every condition, there is still a relationship between inner state and lived experience, and that relationship is always active.

What begins to shift in Taurus season

When you step out of the illusion that money is something separate from you…

something begins to change.

You stop cowering in its presence.
You stop over-assigning it power.
You stop believing it defines your worth.

And you begin to see it for what it actually is:

a reflection of energetic coherence.

The consistency in your energetic state.

Because in truth:

Money does not create safety. It reflects it.
Money does not create confidence. It amplifies it.
Money does not create power. It reveals it.

This is where Taurus season becomes relevant.

Taurus is the energy of embodiment, stability, material grounding, and the nervous system learning how to hold what it receives.

It is not about chasing more.

It is about becoming the kind of system that can sustain more without ultimate collapse.

If this is resonating deeply, you may notice that understanding this is only the beginning.

Because the body does not transform through insight alone.

It transforms through experience.

I’ve recorded a guided ritual below for those who want to go deeper to actually bring this into the nervous system, not just the mind, and begin reconditioning the capacity to receive in a grounded, embodied way.

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A heightened awareness of:

• what drains your energy

• what you’re tolerating despite discomfort

• what feels outdated but is still very much present

Not because you don’t see it. Or because you want it to stay.

But because a part of you is still choosing it.

This is the real work of Scorpio.

Scorpio asks that you go deep into the dark caverns of the psyche to find the patterns that hold you captive.

Not just asking “Can you accept what you see?” but “Can you be brave enough to do something about it?”

Where your power actually is on this Full Moon

This power is not meant to force you against your will.

It exists in recognizing:

“This no longer holds value for me.”

And then helps you adjust your behaviour accordingly.

Because attachment is not just emotional,

it’s behavioural.

This is where most get tripped up. We think because our feelings change that we should automatically be able to permanently shift our actions.

But this is a fallacy and one that can cause us to blame ourselves instead of getting to the root of the problem.

True attachment is formed and maintained based on:

• what you respond to

• what you make time for

• what you continue to engage with

• what you allow access to you

Taurus + Scorpio: how they work together

We are officially in Taurus season.

Which means this isn’t just about release,

it’s about what you are building (sustainably) in its place.

Taurus asks for:

• consistency

• stability

• self-trust

• long-term value

Scorpio excavates what interferes with that.

Money, value, and retention

This is where this Full Moon becomes surprisingly practical.

Your relationship with money is directly tied to:

what you tolerate

where you overextend

what you continue to invest energy in

Because money is NOT about what you attract, gain or receive.

It is about what you hold.

And if your patterns are:

over-giving

overcommitting

staying in misalignment

Then you are not just draining energy,

you are disrupting your ability to retain value.

If you’re feeling empowered, the next part is a guided ritual to help you actively release, integrate, and reclaim your energy under this Full Moon.

For paid subscribers, I’ll guide you through the ritual below.

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But most people are not prepared to stomach that.

—

We like to naively believe that authenticity is expansive.

In our childlike wonder, we imagine a butterfly emerging from a cocoon fully realized, gliding through the air triumphantly, unchallenged, a spectacle of quiet perfection.

We tell ourselves that transformation followed by emergence is easy.

Liberating.
Magnetic.
A return to self.

And it just might be for a moment.

But not before it dismantles everything that was built to secure approval.

We learn on our healing journey that authenticity does not begin with expression.

It begins with subtraction.

The softened tone you learned to be more agreeable in school.

The restraint that kept you from telling your parents how you truly felt.

The instinct to adjust yourself to attract or keep your ideal romantic partner.

We adapt to belong anywhere, and to anyone - but ourselves.

—

But one day, within us, something shifts.

Not externally,

But internally.

And on this fated day, we realize our one vote matters more than all the others.

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And at first this feels exhilarating. Confidence in isolation is incredibly intoxicating. We declare to just about anyone who will listen - “I am finding my voice!”

But the moment we actually use it, another phenomenon occurs.

The opportunity presents, and you choose to be more honest than usual.

Direct. Less filtered. Uncensored.

Throwing caution to the wind in a new and inspired way.

But afterwards, instead of feeling uplifted and encouraged, something in you braces for impact.

You feel unexpectedly exposed.

Cold. Fragile. Uncertain.

You might feel you’ve crossed a line you can’t come back from. You might fear all of the love and praise you once received is now being retracted forever.

—

And because of this response, you might initially interpret this as a mistake.

Something you need to correct to protect yourself.

So you might refine it.
Soften it.
Repackage it into something more palatable. Machiavellian even.

And once you do, you might temporarily return to what works.

Not because it’s better, but because it feels safer.

—

But this cycle of self-preservation through sameness can’t be sustained in perpetuity.

We have just moved through Aries season,

where expression is fast, bold, reactive.

Visibility is rewarded,
regardless of whether it is rooted.

And now we enter Taurus season,

where none of that holds
if it is not real. grounded. honest.

—

Taurus does not ask:

Did this get a reaction?

It asks:

Can I stand ten toes down on this?

—

And this is where authenticity begins to cost.

—

Because the moment you stop reducing yourself for approval,

you become more polarizing.
More specific.
Immovable even.

And that does not and should not resonate with everyone.

—

There will be many who misunderstand you.

To that you must say: “Great. Another successful misalignment.”

There are those who are put off by your directness.

To that you can reply: “Good. Clarity is a non-negotiable.”

And of course those who preferred the version of you
that was agreeable, docile, childlike.

But you cannot stay subservient, small, or shapeless at the cost of your self-respect.

—

Truthfully this is where most people retreat.

Not because they don’t know who they are.

But because they do,
and they see in real time what it will cost to be that person fully.

—

Sometimes in this moment of opposition, you might even turn outward.

To critique.
To compare.
To build identities around what you are not.

It can feel safer to define yourself in opposition,
than to be firmly rooted in self-validation.

—

But there is no stability in this.

Only positioning. Pontification. Posturing.

And even furthermore, the soul reads this as self-abandonment. And a debt that might not cost much today, but will be quite expensive tomorrow.

—

We must develop the composure to allow something to stand,
even when it is not immediately understood.

We must let silence exist,
without rushing to explain.

We can and should hold a position,
without fishing for agreement.

—

This is the real work.

Not just finding your voice. Not just sharing IG Stories about authenticity being the highest frequency.

Living it. Honouring it. Being it.

And sitting with the consequences, while reaping the rewards.

—

So if you find yourself a beginner in this space,

and things feel more exposed than usual,
less refined,
less universally accepted or understood,

you are not in danger.

You are safer than you’ve ever been.

—

You’ve outgrown trying to be everything to everyone.

You’ve emerged to be someone for you.

You’ve realized this is truly priceless.

Terrified it won’t work out.
Unsure of the path.
Without all the answers.

That’s usually when I know I’ve found you at the right time.

Because fear isn’t the problem.

It’s a call to action.

Not a warning.
Not pressure.

But a quiet truth most people only recognize once they’ve stayed too long.

You are here, right in the middle of fear, doubt, anxiety - waiting for something to pull you out, save you, change things for you.

But perhaps the thing you’ve been waiting for is you.

And that it always has been…

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Today’s New Moon in Aries reminds you who you are.

And asks you to prove it.

Not quietly. Not subtly.
But bravely, boldly, with intention.

This is not about feeling ready to act.

It is about moving anyway.

Looking fear in the face and recognizing it for what it is:

fuel. pressure. ignition.

A map to your desires.

Think of this New Moon as an archetypal heroes journey.

The formative descent, the confrontation with the unknown, and a leap into a new identity, before its fully formed.

The ego death comes in the in-between. We are fragile, unproven, and unvalidated by anything outside of ourselves.

That is terrifying, deeply exhilarating, but also signifies we are on the right path.

Being in the fear means being in the present. This is where transformational magic happens.

American Tibetan monk Pema Chödrön says that the moment we wait to feel ready, certain, or unafraid, we are already participating in avoidance.

Not because fear is wrong, but because fear is often the edge of expansion, not a signal to retreat from it.

This New Moon doesn’t ask you to do more spiritual work.

It is asking you to make the change you’ve wanted to make, but have been terrified to - the thing you just thought of upon reading this.

This could be a career shift you’ve been circling but avoiding.
A decision to leave something stable but misaligned.
A move - physically relocating, changing environments, stepping out of what no longer fits.
Starting a business, a project, or creative path you’ve delayed because it felt too uncertain.
Going back to school, retraining, rebuilding direction from the ground up.

This New Moon asks that you honour your truth through action, not hesitation.

Not perfect timing. Not full clarity.

But a decision that says: I will no longer postpone my life for certainty.

Because Aries does not reward preparation.

It rewards initiation.

You do not need confidence.

You need willingness.

Willingness to leave behind the identity that requires guarantees before movement.

Willingness to be seen by no one at first except yourself. (And have this be enough).

Willingness to become real before you are recognized.

This is where most people resist:

not failure…

but being witnessed while they are becoming.

So if you are standing in fear right now, uncertain, stretched between what you know and what you haven’t yet done…

you are not off path.

You are at the threshold.

And thresholds are never comfortable.

But they are not meant to be.

They push you to realize that staying the same will cost you more than becoming something new.

If you feel ready, you’re late.

Because readiness was never the invitation.

Movement was.

And this is where your life begins again. And again. And again. And again.

Ritual: The Aries Initiation

Take a piece of paper.

Write:

“I will no longer delay acting on my truth.”

Then write the thing you have been avoiding. The real thing. Not the story around it.

Place your hand over your chest and say:

“I choose movement over certainty.”

Now choose one action you will take within the next 24 hours that moves this forward.

Not planning. Not researching. Not refining.

Action.

And do it.

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You might feel like you don’t fit anywhere right now.

Like the spaces you used to belong to no longer resonate…
but the ones you’re meant for haven’t fully revealed themselves yet.

Like you’ve outgrown versions of yourself, relationships, identities -
and now you’re standing in something uncomfortably undefined.

Unpredictable.
Uncertain.
In-between.

And if you’re here, this is not random.

It’s because you’ve already started the process.

You’ve done the work.
You’ve faced parts of yourself most people avoid.
You’ve moved through pain in layers that changed you.

So I should probably first congratulate you!

Your progress on the healing journey precedes you.
But with this power comes a new and even more pertinent responsibility.

You must not shrink back into what’s familiar.
You cannot bypass what’s being asked of you now.
You must meet yourself - fully, honestly, and without illusion.

Because the truth is, we are in a time where surface-level survival is no longer enough.

More people than ever are being called into deeper self-awareness. Old patterns are being exposed, and things that once worked are no longer sustainable.

So what comes next?

Isn’t always clear.
Isn’t always comfortable.

It isn’t easily expressed in a 2 minute viral tiktok reading.
And isn’t always something you can navigate alone.

This substack community is meant to hold space between who you were and who you are becoming.

This space can feel isolating, and this is where I meet you.

Not to entertain you.
But to ground you.
Not to enable you.
But to support you.

And to remind you of what is real when everything feels like it’s in flux.

This is an extension of my own transformation. The messy, non-linear, imperfect one that isn’t easily captured in a soundbite. The kind that doesn’t always feel good, but changes you for the better.

You won’t find empty “love and light” here.
Or even comfort that asks you stay the same.

You will find honesty.
Raw, grounded, soul-level honesty.

This is a space for:

• the conversations people avoid

• the truths that shift you

• the moments that ask you to rise, even when you feel like you can’t

And more than that, this is something you can use.

Not passively consume.
But utilize as a tool on your path.

Something to integrate, to take with you, to leverage, to hone.

Inside this space, you can expect:

• channeled messages that speak directly to the deeper currents you’re navigating

• trusted rituals to help you release, recalibrate, and move forward in real time

• private and exclusive guidance that will only be shared within this Substack community, not anywhere else

• reflections that don’t just resonate, but actually move something within you

So if you’re ready to walk through the door with me, I welcome you. I honour you. I celebrate you.

And in doing so, it must be noted that your trust in me is not something I take for granted.

To be received by you is something I hold with care, integrity, and deep respect for the journey you are on.

I’ve been in your shoes.

I’ve walked the same paths.
I’ve moved through identity shifts, ego deaths, and karmic cycles that repeated themselves until I was willing to fully integrate what I had learned.

So if you’re here, you are me.

And I am you.

And we are not looking for easy.

We are looking for truth.

For depth.

For something that moves us.

That’s why we found each other.

And that’s why we stayed.

And I’m so grateful every day that we did.

xx Mercy

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